Looking the part (but not really feeling it)

There are some drawbacks to losing the pregnancy weight quickly, and nearly always going out having taken some elemental care in your appearance (please don’t hate me): You don’t get the sympathy vote. When I was seven weeks or so postpartum, in the middle of the hell, we interviewed a bunch of doulas in a desperate bid to secure some childcare. One of the first we saw was full of interesting and irrelevant drivel (I particularly loved: ‘there are some parts of Africa where the mothers are so in tune with their babies that they don’t have diapers, the moms just know when they’re going to poo’). Anyway, she took one look at me and said ‘you look fine!’ with a distinct undertone of ‘what the hell do you need me for?’ Now, I needed a doula because I was going insane, and if I didn’t get some help prontissimo, Todd was going to come home from work one day and find the baby in a ‘Going Free’ box on the sidewalk. However, I didn’t look (too) awful, hence I must be fine and all must be dandy in the Carlisle household.

It’s probably the only time I’ve ever felt sympathy for celebrities, who seem invariably to look perfectly put together in the weeks preceding any drugs-bust-going-to-rehab-hell scandals.