Things Not To Say to a New Parent (quoted verbatim)

“Hey, I see you’re home from the hospital, can I borrow a lemon from your garden?”

“We’d love to see you when you’re back in England, but we can’t leave the cat, so you’ll have to come travel to us”

“Aren’t you spoiling (your six week old baby) by picking him up all the time?”

“I’m totally exhausted… it’s a good thing I have three week-long foreign holidays planned in the next three months” (abbr.)

“You sure have a screamer there!”

“Why don’t you just put him down?”